Online Dating for Pathetic Fruitloops
by TheDiiva
Summary: Danny, completely and utterly fed up up with Vlad trying to steal his mom, takes a different approach to dealing with him. If the man wants love, Danny'll get him love. By signing him up for online dating. Vlad now faces the very daunting choice of moving on after twenty years of effort, or continuing to chase Maddie. For Danny, it's not clear exactly which he's doing.
1. Chapter 1

-O-

"I heard the news today, that you're not mine to keep."- It's Only, Odesza

-O-

AN: I...I have Sinned.

Takes place in S3, after Urban Jungle, ignores everything after.

Danny was fed up.

With what, you ask? Well, with a little know problem known as Vladimir Putin Masters. The guy had shown up the previous day, completely uninvited, and tried to curl his evil coils round his mom like the slimy snake he truly was. Worse, his dad hadn't been home, so it'd been particularly infuriating. It was the seventh time this month. It was really starting to feel like Vlad had developed a sense to know exactly when his ex-best friend went AWOL.

Quite honestly, Danny wanted to shove something up Vlad's ass to make him go away and stay away.

But Vlad was stubborn. Infuriatingly stubborn. Both of the fights the teen had brought upon the older Halfa just resulting in a pretty embarrassing ass kicking and migraines the size of Russia. Every 'Leave my mom alone!' and 'Get out of my town!' Danny tried to say with his fists and ectoblasts went completely unacknowledged. Annoying, given that in one of those encounters, he'd literally grabbed Vlad by the elven ear and screamed exactly those two sentences into it, and _still_ Vlad didn't listen.

So Danny was done trying to beat it into him. Instead, he opted for something with a little more...finesse. Or, with as much finesse as a 15 year old super hero teen who's first thought about invading ghosts was ' _I'm gonna punch them._ ' could have.

See, young Danny had thought up a plan. An ingenious plot to get his arch enemy off his back. He was a little impressed with himself, really. Vlad had been constantly complaining and bemoaning about being lonely and just wanting love, so that's precisely the problem he was going to fix. Start at the root of the problem, and all that philosophical babble whatnot.

Which was why Danny was currently hunched over Vlad's laptop in the pitch dark at midnight, browsing for which online dating site would be best to put a sociopathic narcissist half ghost onto.

Operation #GetVladAGirlfriend2005 was full under way.

Well, after 2 hours. Finally.

Danny drug his hand down his face, groaning. The bright computer screen light was starting to make his eyes go funny. It turned out that answering a lot of romance-based questions about your arch enemy was a lot harder than he thought it'd be. Especially since he was discovering that he didn't really know anything about Vlad as, y'know, a _person_. Google and no less than seven calls to Jazz was his savior. His brain felt like it was starting to deflate. The fact that the unfinished math homework sitting at home wouldn't stop prodding the back of his mind didn't help. But at least it seemed like he might almost be done, since the questions were now about Vlad's personal information rather than how important a skilled partner was to him. That was a welcome change.

"Shit. What's Vlad's birthday?" Danny groaned. Back to Vlad's Wikipedia page. **Again**.

Another half and hour and much quiet metaphorical dying later, Vlad Masters was successfully a member of TruLove4U,Com.

Good news: The site had already fund quite a number of matches.

Bad news: Danny would have to go through every one of them in order to find Vlad's, to quote the site, 'TruLove Soulmate.'

Honestly Danny was so tired that he found the idea inexplicably hilarious.

-o-oOo-o-

As the week crawled on, Danny returned every night to Vlad's profile to continue on his question. Much to his dismay, every day there were new matches he had to compare and contrast against the ones he already had. But the good thing was that he already had three front runners: Rebecca, Ellen, and his personal favorite, Kathy. Kathy certainly seemed like the best option and most likely to be able to deal with Vlad's insanity. Ellen was pretty nice too, she was sweet but stubborn.

Really, who'd have thought Danny would be going through dozens of middle aged women's profiles to try to get Vlad laid? Where did his life go so wrong?

Three days after starting the profile, Tucker discovered what he was doing. His friend took it upon himself to hijack it to send out messages, much to Danny's annoyance. Hilariously, even under the guise of renowned Vlad Masters, he was rejected by all of them. Sam learned about it not long after, and complained that it was cruel to the women to try to set them up with someone like Vlad. Bickering between the three ensued.

By the end of the week, Danny was just happy Vlad himself hadn't yet discovered him. There had been a few close calls, when he had lost track of time and didn't realize Vlad routinely got up at 5 in the morning. But Lady Luck finally seemed to be on his side for once. He was feeling good about his progress.

"Daniel?"

Annnnnnd there goes Lady Luck. Backstabbing him again, the wench.

Danny slammed the laptop closed, spinning around. Vlad took a few tentative steps into the room, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What are your doing in my private study?"

Danny swallowed. He tried to squeeze his brain for an excuse. Any excuse. Anything that Vlad would actually buy. The lights flipped on, illuminating the room and momentarily blinding him. He blinked rapidly to try to readjust his eyes, then cleared his throat.

"Just, uh, seeing if you were keeping any world domination plans in here."

Vlad gave him a look, "Daniel I know you think I'm crazy, but I'm not that stupid. Why are you on my computer?"

Danny unconsciously shifted to block the laptop with his body, "I was looking for information." he replied.

"You're lying to me."

Danny remained defiant. "No I'm not."

Vlad growled. His eyes flashed red and his lips pulled up to reveal the tips of his fangs, "Give me the laptop, Daniel. Now." He extended his hand, expectant.

Danny looked towards Vlad's fingers, then back to his face. His fingers curled tighter around the computer. He of course knew that he'd eventually have to confront Vlad with what he'd been doing, but he hadn't expected to do it so soon. He thought he had time to actually think of a plan for doing that. His foresight is the worst. He tried to weigh the pros and cons, but Vlad's overbearing presence made it quite impossible. His resolve popped.

"Okay, you're right. I was lying." Danny said, shirking away a bit when Vlad's eyes narrowed, "But in my defense, this is about something that you, uh, won't take kindly to. But I'm doing it in your best interest, so, really, I'm just trying to do you a favor."

"The laptop, Daniel."

Danny sighed. He handed over the machine, Vlad snatching it from his fingers and prying the lid open. The screen popped back to life, displaying in crisp high definition the matches page of TruLove4U,com. Vlad's anger melted into confused irritation as he attempted to figure out just what he was looking it.

"What is this stupidity?" Vlad demanded, and Danny grimaced. Here we go.

"It's, uh, a dating site." he said, "I signed you up."

Rage flooded Vlad, "You _WHAT_?!"

Danny held his hands up, as if that would even help anything, and gestured tot he screen, "Look, I've found you five women you've been matched with! And they're all available because they're single!"

His attempt to calm Vlad's anger worked about as well as throwing gasoline on a fire. The elder Halfa slammed the laptop onto a table, his eyes bleeding red and wisps of ectoplasm dancing round his arms. He advanced upon Danny, who took equal steps backwards.

"Daniel, I do not appreciate your idiotic assumptions that I am unable to pursue relationships myself, nor do I like the fact that you are attempting to set me up behind my back! I am perfectly capable of living my own life and doing what I want! If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times: I love Madelyn and I will not give up on her!"

Danny growled, narrowing his eyes, "And I personally think that you're more in love with the memory of her than you are with her as a person."

Vlad recoiled like he'd been struck, "How _dare_ you...!"

"Face it Vlad! My mom is not the same person she was in college! No one is! Not her, not Dad, and certainly not _you_! Time changes people! You lost your chance before you even had it, and no matter how hard or how long you try to run after it, it's gone! You're chasing ghosts, Vlad, and you've wasted twenty years of your life doing it!" Danny yelled, stomping. Ice slithered across the carpet, the temperature dropping several degrees. His patience had officially run out, and he is 110% Done. Vlad's hands balled into fists, pink encasing them. Small streaks of smoke rising from him; he was not about to back down now.

"You are wrong, Daniel!" he snapped back, "I had dreams! I knew exactly the life I wanted to live! I could have had everything I wanted had that blasted—!"

"But you **don't**! You're alone and family-less with nothing but meaningless wealth and empty rooms to your name!" Danny jabbed a finger at the older Halfa, "And let me tell you, that is completely _your own fault!_ "

Vlad opened his mouth, but Danny was having None Of It.

"You could have chosen to give up on your stupid grudge fifteen years ago and maybe you could have found someone who made your heart twist and year in a way my mother _never_ could and spent every day since bickering like the old married couple you'd be! Maybe _ten_ years ago you could have met someone you learned you never wanted to live without and who knows, if that had happened, maybe you'd be busy celebrating your child's birthday today! Or maybe _**five**_ years ago you could have stumbled upon a great guy and discovered you were actually gay or something, I don't know!" Danny three his hands into the air, "Every year that you waste your time pining after my mom is one more year of missed opportunities and _future regret!_ "

"How many more are you going to waste? Five? Ten? _Another_ twenty? Let's put that into perspective, you'd be in your _sixties_ , Vlad. Just as alone and bitterly miserable as you are **today**." Danny snarled, glaring at the other Halfa, "There is no chance of my mom loving you. _She never did to begin with_. Is it honestly fucking worth it, Vlad?"

Silence. Danny inhaled, forcing his fingers to unclench. In and out he breathed, attempted to calm himself. Looking back up at Vlad, he was a little startled. Vlad was staring, wide-eyed and pale, looking quite taken aback by the outburst. Uncertainty traced the lines of his face, small and nearly undetectable, yet still there. Danny swallowed, feeling a slight twinge of guilt, yet not the least bit sorry. He knew that pulling off the scab that was Vlad's delusions would cause it to bleed once more, bringing the ugly and pain of the past with it. Danny also knew that sometimes you needed to pick scabs off because they got infected and you needed to clean the wound.

Vlad wallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing, then spoke, "You haven't any idea what you're talking about, Daniel. You don't understand—"

Danny shook his head, "I think I understand more than you realize. I've fought you for months, I know you better than anyone else." Vlad said nothing, instead turning to glare at the wall. Danny heaved a sigh.

"Listen, I'm not trying to do this to shove your face into things you'd rather forget—okay, I _kinda_ am—but I really am doing it to help you."

"No you're not. You are only attempting to get me away from your family. You care about your mother, not me. Don't be so pretentious, you're not fooling me."

Danny gave a halfhearted shrug, "You're right. That was the goal. But as hard as it is to believe, I really don't want to see you running around in circles for the rest of your life." Vlad flinched, despite obvious attempts to smother it. Danny noticed, and his face softened, "You've always been right about one thing, and that was that your accident really did ruin your life. But it wasn't anyone else's fault but your own that was ruining it since. You've got to let it _ **go**_."

"It's not that easy!" Vlad hissed, eyes glaring red. Danny cocked his head, a brow raised.

"Why isn't it? Why are you able to just say 'I've done this long enough, it's not worth it anymore, I'm done'? Why is it so hard to decide that you've given enough of your life to something, and walk away from it? What's fueling you, Vlad? What's tied you to it?"

"I..."

Danny furrowed his brows, "Do you even know anymore?"

"..." Vlad shut his mouth, lips pressed into a thin line. Danny waited, patient, but Vlad turned away, motioning to the door, "I'd like for you to leave now, Daniel. I need to get ready for work."

Danny visibly deflated. He sighed, but nodded and walked away. Nothing more he could do, he supposed. He paused at the table where the laptop lay askew on, the screen still displaying the dating site. He picked it up, and approached Vlad again. Vlad frowned at him.

"Just...give it a try, okay? Humor me." Danny pushed the laptop into his hands, "I recommend Kathy, she seems pretty cool."

He stepped back and walked away again, phasing through the wall and out into the crisp air of dawn. He looked back at Vlad's Polterheist Mansion, frowning deeply. With a shake of his head, he flew off. He should probably do his homework.

-o-oOo-o-

For a rare time in his life, Vlad Masters didn't know what to think.

He stared at the open laptop in his hands, his mind a monsoon of clashing thoughts. Part of his throat felt stuck. His lungs felt too tight. A deeper part of him ached, like it'd been cut with a dull blade. Half of him was angry, unfathomably angry, at Daniel. How dare that teen, that child, have the audacity to come into his home, to interfere with his life, to attack and insult his very being. Vlad wanted to throw the brat into a wall, strap him down and send a thousand volts into him. The other half knew Danny was right, and it hurt. He'd been trying for so long and had nothing to show for it. Indecisiveness and self doubt swelled, hiding the fear nestled close to his heart. Fear, and the soft whispers of regret. The tiny mumbles of ' _I told you so_ ' freckled through the repeating sentences echoing in his mind like a record that wouldn't stop skipping.

Vlad Masters did _not_ fear, and he did _**not**_ regret. Regret mean he'd made a mistake, that everything he's done had been in vain. It was unacceptable.

' _But it kind of has been fruitless, hasn't it?_ ' The small voice breathed in his mind.

He refused to believe it. Daniel didn't know what he was talking about. Daniel didn't _understand_. If he could get more, perhaps Maddie would turn her eyes towards him.

' _In disgust, of just plain_ _ **pity**_ _? I think she'd feel sad for how desperate you've become._ '

His fingers tightened, the plastic case creaking. Before him, the sleek design of the dating site stared back at him.

Would more be worth it? Maybe if he could give Maddie more, more wealth, more luxury, more prestige. More knowledge, more skill, more fame. Were those even the kinds of things that could sway her? Did she even care about those kinds of things? Had he ever even considered that before?

' _How many more years are you going to waste? Five? Ten? Twenty? Will you be forty years from now, 82 and dying alone, only to ask yourself the same questions? Or maybe you'd ask 'Why did I ever even think I could have made her love me?'_ '

He shuddered. He didn't want that. That was his biggest fear. He had already half died alone, he refused to do it again. Being alone when the rest of him withered away too was too horrible to even try to imagine. For there to be so many people, yet to have no one care...he wouldn't be able to bear it.

' _Humor me._ ' The voice utters, ' _What have you even got to loose?_ '

Vlad placed the computer on the desk, slowly sinking into the chair. Six names stared back at him. But Daniel had said five earlier. Just five? Or had Daniel been combing through his potential partners, and if so, why? To weed out those he felt didn't fit him well? They do say that no one knows you quite like your enemy does. Part of him feels indignant that he hadn't been allowed to make his choices himself, but another part, puzzlingly, trusted Daniel's judgment.

Six names. Six women. Kathy, Ellen, Rebecca, Zoe, Marilynn, and Christine.

Vlad hovered over Kathy's name, but hesitated. Daniel did recommend her, but...he wasn't so sure.

He clicked, and Kathy's profile displayed. She was 38, and she owned her own business. He looked to her picture, which displayed a fair attractive blond dressed formally. It seemed to be a professionally taken picture, perhaps for some event. He scanned her about section, discovering she was interested in botany, dolphins, and fully supposed Eco activists. He frowned. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with her, but there wasn't anything that tickled his fancy either. She just felt like an okay person. There wasn't a _spark_.

Backing out and continuing to the others, Vlad learned that his relative disinterest in anything any of them had on their profiles was the norm. Zoe came the closest, given that she was an archaeologist and had a rather morbid sense of humor. But he still wouldn't say he was particularly...interested. His curiosity and eyes often wandered to Marilynn's name. He couldn't help it. It was so similar, of course he was drawn to it. She was the last one, specifically because he kept putting her off.

He opened her profile. His breath caught in this throat, his eyes glued instantly to her picture.

She wasn't Maddie, but _damn_ if she couldn't be. She could easily pass as a doppelganger. Similar face, similar eye shape, similar smile, even her hair style was nearly the same. Blue eyes highlighted with light makeup and complimented with a soft, sweet smile. Freckles speckled her skin, her hair a shiny ebony trimmed into a floofy bob. She appeared younger, yet still incredibly beautiful. She was the kind of woman who could catch anyone she wanted in a bar or club, which begged the question of why she'd pick a dating site instead.

He tore his eyes away from her picture, to her information. Her younger age was confirmed by her birth date, Halloween '71. she was currently 33, 9 years younger than him. She lived in New York, worked as a programmer, and had attended Penn State. She didn't have any previous marriages, and was currently child-less. At a height of 5'3, she was quite short; especially compared to his 6'2 height. He ran his eyes over her interests.

' _Tell About Yourself: I am from Cattawissa PA, and I attended Penn State to pursue my desire to design and develop software. I have a number of hobbies, including baking, quilling, gardening, and rock climbing. My biggest interest is Theatrical Musicals, and I'm also quite fond of movies, my favorite of which are the Kill Bill series. I have recently taken up learning German, and I sometimes teach a small programming class in my local rec center. I value cleanliness and respectfulness. I have a bit of a soft spot for cartoons._ "

Vlad inhaled, lacing his fingers together. He stared at the screen, skimming the words again. And again. And again. He was interested. _**Very**_ interested. But he felt like he shouldn't be. That it was wrong. Part of him still didn't want to give up on Maddie, another felt uneasy due tot he similarities between the two, and a third couldn't help but feel like Danny would be very upset.

Yet a surprising amount of him was still interested despite his doubts.

He bit his lip. He was forced to wonder if he just drawn to her because she was similar to Maddie. Was he was just perpetuating his inability to move on by wanting to see about her? Was he unconsciously making her a surrogate? But then again, she wouldn't actually _**be**_ Maddie, so that had to count for _something._ Right?

Daniel had told him to give it a try. It wasn't Vlad's fault a woman unfathomably similar Maddie appeared in his matches.

"You know what? Fuck it." Vlad lowered his hands to the keyboard. He clicked on the message button, and began to type. Only to quickly backspace and repeat several times because he had no idea what to say. Something flirty? Something charming? A formal request? A pick up line?! A quick trip to Google told him no, pick up lines were almost unanimously horrible. Good to know. He eventually opted to keep it quick and simple:

" _Hello, my dear. I've noticed we've been matched, and I must say, I'm quite interested in you. I love love an opportunity to get to know you better._ "

Message sent, he closed the computer. And tried not to think about what he just did. He looked at the clock, remembering that he was supposed to be getting ready for work. 6:42. He cursed profoundly. He'd be late, which was pretty much the gross cherry on this train-wreck of a morning.

At least his fight with Daniel negated his need for coffee today. Victory in the little things.

-o-oOo-o-

Six hours later, Vlad took his lunch and escaped into his office at City Hall to try to break into his own dating account. There was no way in hell he was actually going to ask Daniel to tell him the password. That would just be embarrassing. Once into the account, a bright pink heart next to the messages tab on his page pulsed. Vlad rose a brow. He was a little shocked, and a tab hopeful as well. He'd been wondering if he'd even get a response to his message.

He opened the tab, and sure enough, the single new message was a reply from Marilynn. He poked it.

" _I'm sorry, but your profile is empty. I must decline, I don't trust that._ "

Vlad growled, fists clenching, "Curse you Daniel. Typical of you to half-ass things."

He soon discovered that whatever Danny could get away with leaving blank, he had. The only things actually on his profile were his name, what he was searching for, and his birth date. Daniel hadn't even attempted to put a picture up. Though, Vlad supposed that this was a bit of a blessing in disguise. The less people made the connections between him and the account, the better.

As shallow as it would seem, he was not about to risk accidentally snaring a gold digger. If he was really going to try to this seriously, then he wanted someone who was interested in him, not his money. If that, perhaps, meant lying through his teeth, then so be it. He was billionaire, and that made him a rather large target.

This brought about a unique challenge: giving out just enough information to satisfy and intrigue possible partners, while also keeping as much as possible a secret.

He was rather annoyed that Daniel used his real name. If he'd used an alias, it would be easier to keep the account a secret.

Vlad filled out his profile, as thorough yet as vague as he could. It was an odd dance. He decided against putting his interest in football and the Packers on it. He also only listed his current Mayoral role as his occupation, given it was the lesser known of the two positions he held. He did not particularly want a picture of himself on it, but he came to the conclusion that he didn't have a choice, really. Who gets interested in someone who doesn't put a picture on their page?

Profile officially complete, Vlad navigated back to Marilynn's message. He had the option of replying back to her, and he was torn on actually doing it. He wanted to, but he didn't want to paint himself as a possible threat. Or desperate. He couldn't figure out which would be worse to come off as.

He opted to reply, once more rationalize that, really, he had nothing to loose in the long run.

" _Ah, my apologies. I did not mean to send up any red flags. I am quite new to this kind of thing, please forgive my ignorance. Might I ask, since I have completed my profile, is there any possibility you'd be willing to give him a second chance?_ "

At least he was being half honest.

Vlad flopped back, running his fingers through his hair. He pulled the tie from it, rolling it through his fingers as he thought. Was he really doing this? Was he really taking the advice of a 15 year old vigilante? Sure, he'd gotten a cat, which was originally Daniel's semi-suggestion mostly-insult, but still. This was different. This was...life altering. Which, he supposed, was the point. It didn't make him feel any less conflicted. He was putting all of his trust into the idea that Danny was correct and that Danny had the right idea. He didn't know what to think about that. Daniel frequently made mistakes, sometimes huge ones. The boy was inexperienced at life. But he was also good at _fixing_ the ones he made. It was what made him such an infuriating enemy.

So either Danny was either inadvertently leading him to disaster or to a better life. It was a blind gamble either way.

His computer dinged, shattering his thoughts. Vlad looked back to the screen. A pop-up blinked at the bottom right corner, a small message within. Leaning forward, he confirmed the IM was indeed from Marilynn. He hummed, "That was fast. She must be online."

"Normally I'd deny, but I'll bite and give you the benefit of the doubt since I'm interested. Dazzle me."

Vlad couldn't resist the temptation. He replied.

"My darling, all I ever do is dazzle."

"Someone's a little cocky."

"There's nothing wrong with being confident in one's self. Although that claim looses quite a bit of it's luster when I must admit that I haven't any idea how to impress you."

"Awww, seems like Vladimir is all bark and no bite."

"Most ashamedly. However, the same cannot be said of you. You are quite the wolf, giving my charisma a run for it's money."

"Woof woof, there goes Little Red Riding Hood. I find it hilarious you're attempting to flirt already."

"Why try to pretend I'm not incredibly interested in you when I am? I'm rather curious about what you'd say if I asked you on a date right now."

"Is this a joke? You can't be serious."

"Oh but I am. Marilynn Durren, I, Vladimir Masters, Would like to take you to see any theater production you want. Completely my treat. What d'you say?"

The conversation stalled. Marilynn frequently started to type, then stopped, then resumed. Vlad twisted his hair tie into knots waiting, wondering if he'd perhaps overstepped a little too far. Finally, Marilynn replied. The disbelief was palpable on her letters. Vlad steeled his resolve. If you're going to jump, you might as well leap.

"Are you being for real right now?"

"I am being completely serious. I'm genuinely asking you to go on a date with me."

"You do know there's a process to these kinds of things, yes?"

"You did tell me to dazzle you."

"You're insane. You know that, right?"

"Shall I take that as a yes?"

"Alright you've got me. I'll give it a try."

Vlad smiled. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as the thought it'd be.

-o-oOo-o-

AN: ~First chapter!~ This is the beginning of my new somewhat AU, which I've dubbed #GetVladAGirlfriend2016. Or the MarilynnMastersAU. Whichever. For those of you curious, this idea started with wondering if the prototype design of Maddie (which can be found on Butch Hartman's tumblr and twitter) might exist in the DP world, which then led me to combine both it and the "Vlad actually joins online dating" ideas. And for those of you wondering, yes, I named her Marilynn specifically because it was similar to Madeline.

I would like to encourage y'all here on to jump over to either my Ao3 or my writing blog to see the nifty pictures I did for this chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

-O-

 _"Living in the shadow of someone else_

 _'till I took a deep breath and I found myself._

 _Heard the bang from the ricochet._

 _Maybe I was born just a cast away."_

-Save Me, Hollywood Undead

-O-

AN: 8) Time to meet Marilynn for realsies.

-o-oOo-o-

 _The Count of Monte Cristo_. That's the show she chose. He'd never heard of it before, nor did he bother to look anything up about it—why ruin the experience?

The tickets had been particularly tricky to get his hands on. The show only had a few weeks left in the theater and had been sold out for months. A small part of him suspected that Marilynn might have known that when she made the decision. Perhaps she didn't think he'd be able to obtain them and would thus have an excuse out of date. The idea was ridiculous and he understood it was only the blossoming anxiety talking, but still. Fortunately, he learned that it was quite easy to bribe two admissions into his possession, without the use of any ghostly "persuasion". Turns out people liked an extra ten thousand in their pocket than seeing a musical.

When he told Marilynn he'd gotten tickets, she hadn't believed him at first. So he sent her pics.

Her response of "ahhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH?!" amused him to no end.

Three days later, he flew in his unmarked private jet to New York during the middle of the night. He'd admit, he was fond of media attention and the paparazzi (to an extent; they were fun to play tricks on), but he did not want it known he was in New York. People knowing meant they'd been looking for him, and he needed to keep his fame under wraps from Marilynn, at least for now. She did not seem to know who he was, if her messages were anything to go by.

His full name being Vladimir had been one of his best kept secrets. The public always knew him as Vlad Masters. Even Daniel had expressed surprised when he discovered it.

He did not want to trap Marilynn in the public eye. Her being seen with him could ruin her life irreparably, the harassment was horrible for those who didn't want, or couldn't handle, it. If he played things carefully, neither of them would be bothered tonight.

Currently, he was standing outside the theater at 7:24 pm, the pavement bustling with people entering and exiting. He scanned the sea of heads, the lights of the street casting shadows on heads. He couldn't stop digging his nails into the palm of his hand, a nervous tick from his childhood. When he noticed, he tried to rub away the angry red marks. To say he was anxious was an understatement.

Over the past few days, he'd been having...second thoughts. Sure, he still wanted to meet Marilynn, but he still wanted Maddie too. Daniel's words had dulled with time, lost their edge. The boy was wrong, and now he wanted nothing more than to prove it.

This bit of him was worried, because what...what if he started falling for Marilynn? What would he do then; he couldn't chase both of them. He'd have to choose.

His nail bit deeper into his skin. New York City seemed to be filled to the brim with black haired women tonight.

A blur of color from the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he turned. His breath absconded.

She stood out from the hoard of people around her. The bright pink dress she wore seemed to catch and toss light like a thousand stars. Her hair seemed longer than in her picture, but he couldn't tell for sure since it was tied up into a messy, yet oddly elegant, bun. In her hands she clasped a small handheld pocket purse, matching her dress. She was checking her watch and looking into the crowd, searching, obviously, for him. For a moment, it felt like his heart has stopped functioning.

 _'That's concerning. I don't want to die tonight.'_ a monotone thought slipped into his head, and left just as quickly.

Vlad inhaled a breath, and approached.

"Pardon. Marilynn?"

She jumped, swirling around. Her eyes were angry until she saw him, and recognition flashed across her face. Her expression softened and she smiled, placing a hand on her chest, "Yes, that's me. You startled me."

Vlad offered his hand, "My deepest apologies; it wasn't intentional. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Marilynn's smile grew, "Indeed it is, it's a pleasure to meet you too." she replied, taking his hand. Her fingers were so small, but her grip was strong. And cold; it sent shivers right to his core. "I'm quite impressed that you managed to get tickets to a Broadway production so quickly. Normally you have to reserve months in advance."

Vlad chuckled. "It wasn't any trouble at all. You just need to know which strings to pull." He waved a hand nonchalantly, and Marilynn raised an eyebrow. He raised his arm to her, gesturing to the building, "Shall we, my dear?"

"We shall." she shrugged and nodded, looping her arm through his.

Vlad led the way into the theater. After a brief exchange of trying to figure out just where they needed to go, they proceeded deeper into the theater. Marilynn's black stilettos made soft noises on the carpet, her free hand resting on his bicep. The contact felt odd, as he wasn't used to being touched. He was amused, mostly, because he had to take shorter steps than normal, due to Marilynn's small legs.

As they walked, he said, "You look absolutely gorgeous tonight, if I may say so."

It was the truth. He felt like he couldn't take his eyes off her. Seeing her in person, he saw more subtle differences between her and Maddie: her cheeks were higher and her jaw was a different shape, more supple. Her eyes too, oh god those eyes. So many different hues of blue. They almost glittered, like the waters of the Caribbean if you wanted cliche metaphors. Magenta eye shadow and black eyeliner sharpened them, giving her an almost avian look. If he believed in angels, he'd be certain one was standing in front of him.

Then again, he thought the same of Madeline.

"Quick to the flattery, aren't you?" she questioned, but her lips pulled up into an amused smile.

"Simply making observations." Her smile grew.

"Have you ever seen _The Count of Monte Crisco_ before?"

He shook his head, "No, I fear I haven't. The title sounds familiar, though... Was it a book?"

Marilynn hummed, "It was. Written by the same author of _The Three Musketeers._ "

"Well you learn something new every day." Vlad mused. He looked down at her, curious, "Is there any particular reason you chose this production?"

She flashed a toothy smile, "It's been one of the ones I've always wanted to see live. It's one of my favorites." She was quiet for a beat, before adding, "I think you'll enjoy it."

"Oh? Why do you say that?"

"Hmm, I dunno. You've just got a way of speaking that gives off that impression. It's quite pompous." Marilynn said, shrugging. He chuckled, holding the door to the seating area for her. She murmured her thanks.

"Well, I've heard less flattering ways of it being put. I just like to be proper."

"Oh trust me, it's a welcome change from the guys who drag their pants at their knees."

His eyes snapped to her, "What kind of men have you been dating? Petulant teenage gangster wannabes?"

She snorted, her eyes rolling. "It sometimes feels that way."

"I admit that I can sometimes be a little...childish. Although not quite to that extent." he admitted.

She chuckled. "Well at least you're honest about it."

They were seated by the usher near the isle, and not too many from their section had taken their seats yet. They waited until almost everyone else had arrived, and during this time, Marilynn had pointed out her favorite songs in the playwright they'd been given. When they did finally sit down, Vlad realized the seats were closer together than he had expected, both horizontally and vertically. RIP his long legs.

Marilynn touched his arm and told him to turn his phone off if he hadn't already and he noticed she was the doing the same. When doing so, Vlad noticed he had a missed call from Daniel. He ignored it and powered down the device, returning it to his pocket. He smiled at Marilynn and she returned it. Several minutes later, the curtains rose.

-o-oOo-o-

 _The Count of Monte Cristo_ , based on the book by Alexandre Dumas, follows the tale of Edmond Dantes, a young and innocent shipmate and fiance of the woman Mercedes. After being forced to land on the isle of Elba the isle on which Napoleon Bonaparte had been exiled to, because of his dying captain, Dantes returned home and been elevated to captain of his own ship—his dream. Most unfortunately, beings of greed locked their eyes upon him.

Danglars, the first mate of the ship and the person whom had attempted to rat out Dantes for the decision to land at Elba. His plan backfired, resulting in Dantes' new position, and his anger rose. He was supposed to be Captain, not Dantes. Whilst on Elba, Dantes had been given a letter from Napoleon, an act that was considered treason. Danglars knew this. He began to plot.

Mondego, whom Dantes believed to be a friend and cousin to Mercedes. Most unfortunately, Dantes did not realize his feelings of friendship were one-sided, nor did he know that Mondego had also set his eyes on Mercedes. Hate and contempt for Dantes brewed in Mondego.

The two spiteful men conspired, and Dantes, amiss his own wedding, was arrested.

Believing himself to be innocent, and sure that his arrest is a mere mistake, he goes willingly, to the chief magistrate, Gerard de Villefort. Interrogated, Dates claims his innocence, and Villefort believes him—until Dantes, oblivious, reveals the recipient of the letter to be Villefort's own father. Fear for the destruction of his reputation blooms within Villefort; he cannot let this information be known. He makes a choice. He sentences Dantes to life imprisonment in the Chateau d'If, an island prison.

Three selfish men, each responsible for locking an innocent man behind bars for life, to get what they wanted.

Years pass and Dantes remains locked away, slowly losing hope that he will ever return home. Mercedes, ever strong, awaits his return. Mondego, after so long attempting to win her over, realizes that she would never turn her gaze to him while she believed Dantes still lived. Thus he tells her that Dantes has died. She falls into heartbreak.

One day, Dantes encounters another prisoner whom had been attempted to tunnel to freedom, Abbe Faria. The two join each other, Faria offering to teach Dantes, whom is illiterate and unschooled, everything he knows in exchange for help digging. They become quick friends. Faria tells about who he was before being imprisoned, a priest and academic who served a wealthy Count. He was granted the knowledge of where the Count's wealth had been hidden away, on the remote isle of Monte Cristo. The two agree to share the treasure once they are free. Fate has other plans, and Faria is fatally wounded during a tunnel collapse. Dantes is granted the entire fortune, and despite Faria asking him to forget and forgive his desire for revenge, Dantes cannot bring himself to. He joins Faria's body by playing dead, and is thrown into the sea, escaping the prison.

Dantes made his way to Monte Cristo, discovering the treasure was indeed real. He rechristens himself as the wealthy Count of Monte Cristo, and returns to France with revenge burning in his heart.

Upon buying a huge mansion, Dantes attempts to settle into a lavish lifestyle while he gathers information about the three devils whom ruined him. Danglars has become a Baron, Villefort the chief prosecutor for Paris. He then discovers that Mondego and Mercedes had wed, and borne a son, Albert. Overcome with rage, Dantes vows to bring Hell upon all of them, Mercedes included for her betrayal.

-o-oOo-o-

By the time _'Hell to your Doorstep'_ faded away and Intermission began, Vlad had dug his fingernails into his skin hard enough to **bleed**.

He jumped when the lights turned back on, illuminating the theater. He tried to swallow, but his throat was tied into a knot and refused to budge. It felt like he was suffocating. Like every word of the show had kicked him in the chest. All of his muscles felt wound too tight and were about to snap at the slightest-

he flinched, eyes snapping to the soft fingers touching his arm. He looked back up at Marilynn. She was frowning, brows knitted together.

"Are you alright? You look a little pale." she asked, her voice quiet. Vlad forced his throat to unlock, but it did little for the queasy feeling in his stomach. Made it feel worse, actually.

He smiled, and hoped— _prayed_ —it looked convincing, "My apologies, I'm fine. I just need to use the restroom. Please excuse me."

She nodded silently as he stood up and excused himself. He could feel her eyes on the back of his neck until he went through the doors. He slipped and wove between the handfuls of other people, can came across a men's bathroom. He pushed himself inside and practically collapsed onto a sink. His carefully woven control fell away in tatters. His hands gripped the porcelain so tight it hurt, and he welcomed the feeling. Anything to distract himself. He struggled for breath, his lungs heaving but his throat not permitting. All that squeezed out were shallow inhales. His arms shook, threatening to give out just as much as his legs were. His core felt like it was twisting, pressing against his heart and stabbing itself. His blood pounded in his ears. He screwed his eyes shut.

Daniel's argument returned like a tsunami and devastated his mind.

Marilynn just had to pick the one musical production in the world that constantly felt like a parade of his own life.

He had been Dantes. The idiotic fool who trusted too easily. Whom put his trust into the wrong people, and gotten stabbed in the back for it. Gotten locked away in isolation for it. Died a little each day because of it. The moron who hadn't had the gut to tell the woman he loved how he felt about her, and thus lost her forever. _'I love you, Madeline; please take care of her while I'm gone, Jack.' 'Sure, I'll take care of her very nicely, I'll marry her and have two goddamn children with her, one of whom will be the bane of your existence AT. THIS. VERY._ _ **MOMENT!**_ _'_

He was the wealthy Count, using his money and power for reaping revenge, forever stuck shackled by the past. So blinded by what he thought was true, what he **wanted** to be true, that he was incapable to see what really was true. The one who hid behind 'an eye for an eye'. 'You hurt me, so now I will make you hurt just the same.'

the pathetic fool willing to destroy himself while trying to ruin everything else.

His hands tightened, the porcelain heating from the ectoplasm throbbing beneath his fingertips. His fangs were too big for his mouth, stabbing into his gums as his jaw remained clenched shut. 'And yet...'

He wasn't Dantes. His Mercedes never loved him. His accident hadn't be intentional, hadn't been a ploy or plot or murder attempt. He did not have any right to justice for his so called 'injustices'. He was just a man who couldn't move on, who fixated on his pain because it was easier to be angry and think himself right then it was to admit that it hadn't been anyone's fault; things went wrong, and he'd made mistakes.

Daniel was right. He had always been right. Annoying and insufferable about it, yes, but he knew what he was talking about.

He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. How the world loved to kick him in the face.

A knock sounded from the door, startling him.

"Vladimir?" Marilynn. Of course. She knocked again, "Are you in there? Are you okay?"

He smelt the tangy sweetness of ectoplasm and opened his eyes. Magenta energy faded from his palms, leaving a seared palm mark on the white sink. Thick lines of blood dribbled from his knuckles down his fingers. He exhaled, the tension slowly uncurling from within him. His muscles felt very sore as his senses came back to him. Why did existential crises have to be so exhausting?

"I'm fine. Please, forgive me." he called.

He turned on the tap, fully cold, and washed the red from his hands. The crescent moon cuts stung and began to throb, but they'd be gone in an hour so he payed them no mind. He splashed his face, the water soothing his heated skin. He ran his hands over his hair, pressing down the small flyaway strands that had come loose. Looking back at himself in the mirror, he winced. He still looked quite haggard. The deep bags under his eyes from insomnia and stress, dull eyes, several small round scars that his doctor had been unable to fix due to the sensitive area they were located. Hands marked with nebulae from years of trying and failing and trying again to force ghostly powers to bend to his will, his control, despite his fleshy human body.

 _'My mom is not the same person she was in college! No one is! Not her, not Dad, and certainly not_ **you!** _'_ his chest tightened.

This is who he'd become. This...stupid fool, who would be a complete stranger to the bright-eyed, clumsy, social reclusive 20 year old he had been. He distantly wished he could do things over again. But he couldn't. There was no returning to 1981.

He almost snorted. 43 was a hell of a time to try to start anew.

 _'But not too late. And not impossible.'_ The voice pointed out. He growled at his own thoughts, _'Shut up, Daniel.'_

He stepped out of the bathroom. Marilynn was standing beside it, waiting for him. He offered her a smile, and apologized again. Her frown deepened. He started to walk back to the theater, assuming she'd come with him, but she stepped in front of him. Her hand pressed against his chest, just enough to stop him dead in his tracks. He blinked down at her, surprised.

"Vladimir? Talk to me, please, I'm worried. I can see that you're unsettled by something. Is something wrong?" Her brows furrowed as she stared up at him, her eyes searching him. All he could do was stare at her, shocked.

"It's..." he tried to speak, but he couldn't think of the right words. Something had been wrong, and still technically was, but he didn't really know how to explain. Marilynn seemed to become more concerned by this, and he cleared this throat, "I...admit, that the, ah, story is hitting...a little close to home."

Marilynn nodded slowly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Hush. It's fine. Don't blame yourself." Vlad said. He placed a hand over hers, giving it a gentle squeeze before lifting it away. She looked unconvinced, but allowed him to put an arm around her. He motioned down the hall "Come, we should go back before intermission ends."

-o-oOo-o-

Act II begins with Albert attending a carnival, and being quickly drawn away from it and captured. Dantes, pretending to be captured as well, helps Albert free himself and protects him from bandits after they are attacked. This was done intentionally, to gain the boys trust and to get closer to Mondego and Mercedes. Introducing himself as the Count of Monte Cristo, Dantes invites Albert to a ball being held at his mansion.

Gossip is rife among the attendees before Dantes arrives, dazzling everyone with his charm and wealth. One after another, Danglars, Villefort and Mondego are presented and promised rewards for being noble and just. None of them recognize the Count for Dantes, until Mercedes. She does, becoming shocked her deceased lover still lives. Dantes does not give her a chance to speak; he has nothing to say to her.

Dantes sets a trap for the three men. He uses an informant to give the three instructions to invest their money into a company, Llerrom International, which, unknown to them, Dantes owns. The men, none the wiser, fallow the suggestion, and profit substantially as a result, becoming quite rich themselves. Danglars plans to become the richest man in Paris, Villefort to bribe voters for his election campaign, and Mondego wants to bask in endless wine, women and gambling.

Upon having the three's livelihoods dangling from his fingertips, Dantes liquidates the company. The trio loose everything as it all comes crashing back down. Danglars shoots himself, unable to bear it. Villefort is exposed, and sent to Chateau d'If. Mondego, the last, reads the name Llerrom backwards; Morrell being the shipping company Dantes used to work for. Mondego, realizing the Count's true identity, is enraged.

Albert, however, is not pleased with the shame the Count has wrought upon his family. He challenges Dantes to a duel, despite Mercedes' attempts to talk him out of it. Valentine, Albert's fiancee and lover, attempts to change his mind, but fails to stop him as well.

Mercedes begs the Count to spare Albert's life, but Dantes has not forgive her. Mercedes accuses him of heartlessness, but he does not listen.

The duel between the Count and Albert is pathetic. Albert draws first, and misses, leaving Dantes the victor. As Dantes readies his gun to kill Albert, Valentine jumps between them, begging the Count to spare her love's life. She is pulled away, still begging and crying, and Albert prepares himself to die.

The Count shoots into the air, sparing him. The young lovers are reunited, like a reflection of the younger Dantes and Mercedes all those years ago. Shaken from his anger and spite by Valentines display of love, Dantes questions where his old self had gone, contemplating all of the agony and loss he suffered before finally, letting if fall away. His revenge completed, his ire extinguishes. He returns to Mercedes, and they forgive each other. Mondego, however, is not so keen to let Mercedes go. He engages Dantes in a sword fight, but is easily defeated. Yet Dantes cannot bring himself to kill Mondego.

Despite the offer to live and be free, Mondego is too angry, blinded by his own desire for revenge. He attempts to stab Dantes in the back, and Dantes is forced to kill Mondego to save himself. Dantes and Mercedes rekindle their love, and vow to never leave each other again.

-o-oOo-o-

Vlad attempted to not think about the ending. He downright ignored it. He pushed away the unsettling weight in his stomach, refusing to participate in the song and dance for a second time.

He stood, stretching, his back and legs popping from sitting so long. Beside him, Marilynn rolled her shoulders and neck, sharing his stiffness. She allowed him to take her arm again, staying close to him as they exit the theater back into the night, away from the suffocation of other people. The cool air of night bites their faces, feeling quite nice after being inside for nearly three hours. People still crowded around the outside, and they squeezed a way through until they get to an area of sidewalk that was fairly barren of others.

They walked down the street a bit, Vlad watching Marilynn's struggle to pluck away strands of hair that plastered themselves to her lipstick out of the corner of his eye.

"That was quite the enjoyable, all things considered. I hope I didn't ruin your experience." he states eventually, casting a curious glance at her.

Her eyes go wide, "Oh no, I absolutely loved it! I can't thank you enough. I haven't had such a good first date in forever, I almost don't want it to end." she said. Vlad raised a brow, humming.

"Well it doesn't have to." he replied, the corner of his lip pulling up, "Anything else you'd be interesting in doing?"

Marilynn is surprised, but rolls with it, her head tilted as she thought. It was past ten at night, but that meant little in the City That Never Slept.

"Hmmm I'm feeling kinda hungry. Could you go for some pizza?" she said. He grinned.

"I'd love some. Pizza it is, then!"

Marilynn lead to way to a small, family owned pizzeria several blocks away, which was a good thing since Vlad got completely turned around the first right they made. He'd never been one for such huge cities; he liked living in the outskirts of both Madison and Amity. They'd decided to order a single pizza, half pepperoni and half ham and pineapple. This brought about his first true discovery about her; she liked fruit on her pizza. Blasphemy!

She also attempted to pay, which he intercepted. He had promised that everything tonight was on him, after all.

There were only three other people inside at such a late hour, but they decided to sit in the back anyway, away from them. While they ate, they made small talk, which turned into a short argument about pineapple on pizza and then about certain other dubious food combinations. Like mint and chocolate; she refused to believe he would ruin perfectly good chocolate like that.

Vlad could feel it, though. She wanted to say something, but she wouldn't. Eventually, she did.

Marilynn put her drink down after taking a sip, "May I ask you a question?"

Vlad waved a hand, "Shoot, my dear."

She hesitated. She bit her lip, which had been stripped of her blood red lipstick before she started eating. "I'm...sorry if I'm overstepping, but...why was the play hitting close to home for you?"

Vlad opened his mouth, then closed it immediately after. He'd been expecting this, of course, but he still didn't know what to tell her. He'd never told anyone before. He sighed, "It's a long story."

"I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon." Marilynn said. He didn't respond, and she tilted her head, her scowl deep, "Did someone betray you?"

'Observant and logical. Impressive.' he thought. Reluctantly, he gave a nod. Sighing, he leaned forward, elbows on the table.

"I had...a crush on one of my friends, in college. I loved her, quite a lot. I never got to tell her. She and another friend, they believed in this...bizarre idea, about the existence of...another realm, of sorts." Vlad began, motioning with his hands. Marilynn nodded, listening, "It was ludicrous, absolutely ludicrous. But, she was dedicated to it, and I went where she went, so I got dragged into things. Theories and experiments. And then they started working on a machine to open a sort of door to this alternate realm. They were so convinced that it would work, didn't listen to me or any kind of common sense."

"One day, about halfway through my second year, this machine was completed and they decided to test it out. That was how it was, jump in with both feet, who cares about repercussions if it works. My best friend at the time didn't listen when he was told that some things weren't right, and it—" Vlad bobbed his head, searching for the words, "Malfunctioned right into my face."

"I was rushed to the hospital. It was a rather... _unpleasant_ experience. Five years later, I come out penniless, kicked out of college, drowning in debt and...they're both happily married in a quaint little home. It was all quite...painful, to say in the least."

His fingers itched towards several faint marks on his hands, some circles, other pinpoint dots. It felt like they throbbed at the memory of pain from years passed. The phantom feeling of rupturing blisters tingled across patches of his skin. He shuddered.

"Well that certainly explains things..." Marilynn said after a while. He didn't raise his eyes, and she looked away as well, "You still have feelings for this woman, don't you?"

He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He didn't know what to say. Say 'yes, I do, I'd still love to pine after her but a teenager won't let me'? He's pretty sure that'd be the most surefire way to both end the night and earn a 'please never get within thirty feet of me ever again.' restraining order. But if he lied, he'd have to keep up the lie, which would be hard since he still couldn't completely let go. Madeline was part of his obsession, and obsessions weren't easily denied. He swallowed.

"I...I won't lie, I do. But I have begun to come to terms with the realization that I could never have her." he said, deciding that it was best to be honest. The best way to not be caught in a tangled web of lies later was to not weave them, right? Despite this, it was still quite hard to actually say it himself, to hear it in his own voice. "I don't want to spend another twenty years chasing ghosts. I...need to try to move on."

Marilynn nodded, a sad smile on her lips. Recognition and understanding flashed across her eyes. Vlad blinked, confused. Noticing this, she looked away again and began to pick at her nails. "I know how you feel. Well, sort of. I don't mean to say my pain's the same as yours, but...I know what it's like to feel betrayed. To feel forgotten. To feel worthless."

His confusion deepened."Who would be so cruel as to hurt someone like you?"

Marilynn snorted, "I met this guy in my AP class. He was tall, handsome and oh lord, was he sweet. To say I fell head over heels is an understatement. We started dating, and I felt like I'd found my soulmate. I wanted to marry him, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He didn't particularly agree with my degree choice, he thought that 'pretty girls don't know anything about computers'. He tried to get me to drop out. And..." she heaved a sigh, "For him, I did."

"I spent a year living with him. Got engaged and everything, but...my mother was ill. She'd always been rather frail, but it was still...still hard, to finally lose her. I'd rushed home, stayed for a couple of days for her funeral. When I went back to Penn State, everything was gone. The apartment was up for rent and he," Her hands curled into white-knuckled fists, "He, the man of my dreams, the man I'd die for, the man I derailed my life for, had decided that he liked the swimmer he'd been dating behind my back better and that he belonged in Miami."

"It turns out he'd been waiting for when I was out of the apartment to get up and leave, because he didn't like how 'dependent' I'd gotten. He took everything from me."

Vlad could only stare, "I'm so sorry to hear that."

She shrugged, smiling. "It was a long time ago."

He could tell it was a fake smile, the 'It's fine' smile. It was familiar.

He scoffed, "Don't I know those words well. 'It was a long time ago, I'm fine. No, I'm not still angry. _Yes_ , I've _forgiven_ you.' Such tiresome lying, when you just want to say to opposite but can't. You just have to _smile_ and _pretend_."

Her face lit up, "Exactly. You have to dance the dance because everyone else will judge you if they know it still hurts you. 'C'mon, it was _so long ago_. How come you haven't _let it go_ yet?' Like bitch, Brittney, it ain't that **easy**!"

He nodded, picking up his glass and swirling the water inside, "It appears that we are both quite similar. The broken and the betrayed. It's almost sickeningly Avant Garde."

Marilynn snorted, but flashed a smile. "It's comforting, to know someone who can understand what it's like. I'm glad to have met you."

"I would like to say the same about you, my dear." he replied, then cocked his head, "Y'know, it's funny, I've never told anyone about my accident before, and yet I've told you tonight."

She lifted her piece of pizza, but paused before taking a bite, "I'm glad that we both feel we can trust each other with our baggage, that's a good thing." she said. "Don't worry, it's safe with me, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone. I trust you'd do the same for me?"

"I wouldn't ever dream of hurting you, my dear."

She hummed her thanks, her mouth full. She finished chewing, then said,"You like to do that, don't you?"

He blinked "Do what?"

"Call people 'my dear' or 'my darling'. You've done it quite a few times now," she said, stirring her drink with the straw and taking a sip. Realization hit him.

"Ahh, it's a bit of a habit. I often use it around some of the other women I know, so sometimes it just slips out. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, if that's the case." he explained. It was true. He called Maddie and Haley by simple pet names all the time. He recalled even doing it with Jazz once, much the young lady's disgust. Marilynn waved her hand, dismissive.

"Oh, no, I don't mind. It's just something I noticed. I think it's quite sweet, actually."

"Do you? I haven't heard that before."

"How come? I would expect that a man like you," she gestured him up and down, though he didn't know if she meant his suit or the body in it, "wouldn't have any trouble at all dating. And yet here you are."

He chuckled, leaning back on the seat, ignoring the noise the old thing made, "Ah, looks can be deceiving, Marilynn." he admitted, "I'm fairly...romantically inept, so to speak. Lack of experience."

"So that's why you chose online dating? You're too shy to go bar hopping?"

"I am not shy!" Vlad decided to ignore the little 'Mmhm' and the smug smile on pink lips, "But as to the reason why, that's a rather funny story, actually. Well, one part funny, two parts annoying."

"Oh? Do tell." Marilynn laced her fingers together, resting her chin on her knuckles.

"I didn't register myself. A bratty teenager who can't keep his nose out of my business took it upon himself to try to get me in a relationship. He signed me up on the site, and I caught him not too long before I first messaged you." Vlad explained, "That's why my profile was blank, by the by."

Marilynn laughed, trying to hide it behind her hands, "Okay that's the best thing I've ever heard. You needed a teenage wing man."

"Well, when you put it like _that_..." Vlad muttered, and she laughed harder. He pouted, but found that he wasn't really all that angry or embarrassed about it. "As annoying as it was, I can't be too angry with the boy. After all, we wouldn't be here if it weren't for him."

Marilynn wiped a tear away from her eye with her pinky, "Good point. You should thank him."

Vlad snorted, picking up his glass, "He probably wouldn't believe me if I told him I actually went on a date already. He'd think I was making you up, and then he'd start to pity me." he downed the rest of his water.

"Well at least he wouldn't be right. I'm real and I'm here. Somehow."

"Sometimes crazy works, you know." Vlad stated, raising his chin proudly. Marilynn rolled her eyes, and finished off her pizza, the faintest smile visible behind the crust.

"And if I may be so bold, I'd love for you to tell me more about yourself, since you are here."

She rested a cheek in her hand, "What do you want to know?"

"A lot of things." Vlad replied, a sly gleam creeping into his eyes, "All of your favorites. Your best stories and memories. Your hopes and dreams. Your laugh when you just can't stop. How you look when you're doing the things you love. How you look in the summer sun, and bundled in ugly Holiday sweaters, and when you wake up every morning. What your hair smells like. If you lips are as soft as they-"

"Okaaay, slow it down there, eager beaver. It's only the first date." she waved her hand, cutting him off. He smirked, leaning back and observing the pink blush spreading across her cheeks to her ear tips, "There'll be other opportunities."

His smirk grew wider, a brow raised, "Ahhh, so I _have_ snared your interest then?

She hummed, "I wouldn't say that just yet. But I do like you."

"I'll consider that a small victory."

"How about this, I'll answer three questions every date." Marilynn said, holding three fingers up, "But I get to ask three of my own back and we both have to be honest. Deal?"

Vlad shrugged once, nonchalant, "Deal."

Marilynn gestured for him to go first. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, "Let's see...You said that _The Count_ was _one_ of your favorite musicals. What's your **absolute** favorite?"

Her head fell back, "Ohhh, that's such a hard question right off the bat! I have so many that I love! _Wicked, RENT, The Scarlet Pimpernel!_ But I'm gonna have to saaay... _Chicago_. It's got a special place in my heart."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"It's the first one I discovered, the one that started my love for musicals and theater. When I was younger, I actually wanted to be an actress because I liked it so much." she explained, flashing an innocent smile, "That counted as two, by the way."

He frowned, "I hadn't even thought before I asked, but fair is fair. What do you want to know?"

Marilynn tapped her bottom lip with her finger, humming. He could almost see the ways the gears turned in her skull, in the way her thin brows crinkled and her eyes wandered. For a moment, her eyes lingered on the white stripe parting his silver hair and he could practically feel her mind questioning it.. But she didn't voice any aloud, instead moving on and looking elsewhere.

Eventually, she made vague motions with her hand, "You know I'm learning German, right? But what about you, do you speak a second language or learning anything?"

Vlad hummed, "Ahhh, interesting. I speak a couple, actually. My first language is actually Romanian, English is my second. I'm fairly fluent in French as well." her brows raised.

"Romanian? That's one you don't hear about any day. That's neat." she leaned forward, table creaking lightly under her weight, "Can you say something in it? For me?"

Vlad chuckled, " _Sigur. Cred că am îndrăgostit de tine._ "

"That's awesome. What did you say?"

"Ahhh, but you've already asked your three questions tonight, my dear." Vlad smirked, amused at her dumbfounded expression, which he found absolutely adorable, "I guess you'rer going to have to wait until next time to figure it out."

"That's just mean." Marilynn muttered, and he chuckled again.

"Go ahead, ask another; I won't count them, since one was technically a request."

For a moment, she looked like she was going to protest. Instead, she asked, "Why me?"

Vlad frowned, "What do you mean?"

She shrugged, "Why did you decide to message me? What made you interested?"

Vlad stared at her. After a moment, he looked away, towards the tile of the wall, thinking. What, exactly, had made him interested in her? More interested than the other five? Her interests? Her profession? Her looks? He couldn't pinpoint it. Well, he _could_ , but he attempted to ignore that particular reason right now. She was certainly beautiful, yes, and he did feel attracted to her, but there had been something else, something he couldn't figure out. Something he knew he saw, but couldn't identify. Or was he overthinking it? Thinking there was something else when all that was there was the physical attraction, and the similarities of Maddie? He...honestly, he didn't know. He was dumbfounded for a second time.

"Vladimir?" he looked back to Marilynn, broken from his musings.

"My apologies, I just hadn't thought about why you stood out to me before. It's a good question. I guess I...well, I don't want to paint myself as being shallow, but a substantial factor was your beauty. The other part was that I was reading your profile and I couldn't stop thinking that this was a woman I wanted know more about. I felt more magnetized the more I read, But I haven't any idea why." he said.

Marilynn's face softened, her smile brightening, "I've asked every single previous guy that same question, and most of them tried to come up with some superficial vague crap; not one of them admitted it might have been because they thought I was attractive. Thank you for being honest."

His face contorted in confusion, "You're quite welcome? I don't understand, why does that please you?"

In an instant, her face hardened. Eyes narrow, jaw tight, smile gone.

"I hate being lied to. I can't _stand_ it. I don't appreciate when people, particularly men whom I go on dates with, attempt to pull wool over my eyes with fluffy words and a sickeningly sweet disposition. It's a game to them, they're focused on a goal rather than who I am. I'm not a possession, nor a trophy, to be won. I don't _play_ the game." she explained, and Vlad could only stare at the dull, nearly irritable tone, "They only get one chance. Either be honest with me or get out; I haven't time for the bullshit."

 _'Seems like I'm not the only bitter one here still compensating for past grievances.'_ he thought, nodding. _'Daniel's goth friend would like this attitude.'_

"Makes sense, but, still...Why?" he questioned, thought to be honest, he didn't really know how else to respond.

"I've been lied to enough in my life. I refuse to have my time wasted. Never again." she replied, adding, "It's also easy for me, because I'm very well aware that I'm beautiful; there's no denying that."

His brows shot up, "I wouldn't dare, I quite agree." she laughed, and he relaxed a little.

"Since I've most likely used my third question, and fourth and fifth probably, it's still your turn, my dear."

"I've lost track, honestly." she admitted and he chuckled, "Let's go with something easy since it's getting a little late. Any fears?"

'Too many.' he mentally kicked the thought in its nonexistent ass.

"Death." he replied, "Hospitals. Being alone. Bees. A few superstitions, as well, thought not as badly. Your typical sorts of things. What time even is it?"

Marilynn checked her phone, "12:22. I think I should head home."

Vlad nodded, his spirit deflating. He didn't realize they'd been here for so long; it was a good thing the pizzeria was a 24-hour one. He was quite sad that he'd have to say goodbye soon, and a tad surprised by that. It'd been a very enjoyable evening, one he didn't quite want to end yet. But it needed to, as he assumed she had work to do later and he himself needed to get back to Amity by 8 am for a meeting. Most likely because of Daniel's destructive heroics, the brat went out on a limb to make his work even harder.

They split the remaining few pieces of pizza into to-go boxes, and left together, a handsome tip left on the table while Marilynn's back was turned. Outside, she hailed a taxi, and he caught her hand before she got in.

"Allow me to pay for your cab. It's the least I can do-"

She shook her head, "You've paid for enough tonight. I appreciate it, though. I'll be fine."

He nodded, and released her arm. "Very well, Marilynn, if you insist."

she smiled up at him, "Thank you again for tonight. I couldn't have asked for a better night."

"It was my pleasure, I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself. I'd love to take you out again sometime, if that's alright with you?" her sculpted brow raised.

"You're just full of surprises, aren't you?" she said, but her smile told him she didn't really mind. She pulled out a post-it pad from her purse and scribbled something down. He tried to look at it, but she hid it, and tucked it into his breast pocket with a playful pat. "Call me."

Vlad was stunned, jaw slack for a second before he closed it, "I most certainly will. Have a goodnight, my darling."

She smiled, a playful glint in her eyes. She took one quick step towards him, and placed her lips on his cheek, then stepped back again, "Goodnight, Vladimir."

Vlad didn't respond, stunned. She chuckled as she entered the cab and waved as it pulled away. Dumbly, Vlad waved back, watching the vehicle disappear among the hundreds of others. His brain felt like a rug had been ripped out from under it, and it couldn't figure out how to get back up. He barely recalled calling his own chauffeur to come pick him up until he was actually in the back seat and on his way back to the airport. He raised his hand to his cheek, fingers brushing over the place where her lips had been for just a fraction of a second. It seemed to tingle a little at the memory, and he snapped from his daze. He hid his face in his hands, his cheeks burning.

 _'Oh my god!'_

-O-

AN: Oh Vladdy. Getting all flustered at a cheek kiss.


End file.
